Coping with Grief
Written by our Editor, Hannah Moore
In this past month, I lost my mother to cancer. We were incredibly close. As I unwillingly entered this season, I have found myself having many racing thoughts. Thoughts I have never had before, thoughts I can’t turn off.
It’s a season where God is holding me up as I question it all... life, death, His existence, the ultimate purpose of this whole journey…. As I spend hours agonizing over each question, the answer always leads back to one common place. God.
1 Peter 1:6-7 tells us:
“In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.”
This passage tells us that in this life, we must be tested by grief to ensure our faith is genuine. When our world crumbles beneath us, do we still choose Jesus?
Job 23:10 then reminds us “But he knows the way that I take; when he has tried me, I shall come out as gold.”
Job suffered GREATLY. More than me. More than you. Yet, he reminds us that our trials refine us. He reminds us that we walk through fire to become pure. Pure like gold. We become pure when we find our hope in Christ alone.
All these thoughts inspired me to write my mother’s eulogy. A eulogy that, I have been told, has touched people. So, I would like to share it with you. If you are experiencing grief, I encourage you to take a few minuets to read this.
Cynthia Bailey’s Eulogy
On behalf of my entire family, we want to thank you all for coming today to say farewell to Cindy. I am her daughter; Hannah Moore and I have to tell you it is absolutely heartbreaking to lose our mother. However, the outpouring of love and support we have received from everyone we know has been overwhelming. We know you all are praying for us because the strength our family has received during this challenging season cannot be explained any other way. So, we want to thank you all from the bottom of our hearts.
My mom was a woman of faith. She believed in God with her whole heart. And she loved the Bible. As I grew up and read the Bible for myself, I learned that it has a lot to say about the next generation. God is greatly concerned about what we as parents, pass on to the next generation.
So, as I think about this Biblical theme, I think about what my mom passed on to me and my siblings. I think about what my mom’s mom, the late Earline Lucas, passed on to her… And it really made me think about what I’m passing on to my children. It made me think of how we can show mom honor and respect by passing on the attributes that made her such a special person. A person that overflowed with the qualities God wants us, as followers, to have.
Cindy spent her life giving to others. She wouldn’t necessarily give financially, but rather, she gave joy and love to everyone she met. She was very in tune with all of our feelings and always strived to bring a smile to your face. She would smile with big rosy cheeks and hold that smile until you were smiling with her.
The individual attention she gave to each of us is something we will likely not encounter again. An old boss of hers, Tim Davis, had said “The family has a strong bond that is missing from most families today.” And he’s right. The attention she gave to each person created a bond to her that was so unique and special.
Her and I had kind of a ridiculous phone relationship. I would call her every single weekday, at 7:45am when I was almost to work. And when her phone would ring every morning, Tim would roll his eyes and say, “It’s Hannah Time.” And the kitchen at school would come to a halt while mom spent her 15 min talking to me on the phone. We would also have another phone conversation after work each day and maybe one more in the evening if something exciting happened. And the next day, we would do it all over again.
I know Cody, my younger brother, had an extremely strong bond with her as well. They would go and visit each other all the time. Cody lives across the street from mom and dad. His family would go to their house every Sunday morning for their biscuit and gravy breakfast. It’s their favorite day of the week.
My dad said that Cindy’s mom, Earline, was the best mother-in-law anyone could ask for. I was 8 when she passed away, so my memories of her are pretty blurry. But dad said that she cared and loved her family deeply, that she made him feel accepted and loved. That she was so sweet, but yet wouldn’t take too much crap from anyone.
I think my mom inherited those same qualities. She loves my husband, Kevin. She loves Cody’s wife, Taylor and Seth’s wife, Brook so much. She always tried to kindle deep relationships with them, so they knew they were loved and accepted by her no matter what.
What amazing relationships and memories she had with all of us. She took such good and gentle care of each of us. And as a result, her kids became her absolute best friends. She was the person we went to for advice, comfort, strength, and just to tell our funny stories to.
Mom was never an angry woman. The only time I can remember her legitimately getting MAD at me was when I was about 4 or 5 years old. Dad was babysitting me while mom worked at Pogolino’s. And she had been promising me that she would take me to get my bangs cut. They were in my eyes and I had had enough. So, while dad was watching TV, I snuck into the bathroom and took care of the problem myself. And on top of that, I had always seen my mom messing with her eyebrow and eyelash area… I was never quite sure what she was doing. But I assumed, since we cut the hair on our heads, we probably trim the hair on our eyes too. So, I not only cut my own hair that night, but I also cut off some of my eyelashes.
The bathroom in our house is located next to the washer and dryer. It was cold out that time of year, so there was a ski mask sitting on top of the dryer. You know, those ski masks that cover your whole face and neck… they have 2 little eye holes and the mouth. So, when dad yelled, “It’s time to go pick up mom,” I walked out of the bathroom and put that ski mask on. I guess my dad thought I was just cold… or a weirdo. But he let me keep the mask on all the way to Pog’s. And then all the way to a table inside the middle of the restaurant to wait for my mom to finish her shift. When mom came out, she said, “Hannah, aren’t you hot? Take that off.” I said, “No, let’s go home.” Then she insisted that I take it off… in the middle of the restaurant…
The horror on her face when I took that mask off… She was so angry at me for cutting, what she called “my beautiful blonde hair…”
And then her rage turned to my dad, who had no idea what was going on. He was totally blindsided. I don’t remember the car ride home that night. But I do remember spending Christmas that year with a boy haircut and my mom taking very littlepictures. I honestly don’t remember my dad ever babysitting me again.
She was so humble. She was down to Earth. It was the little things in life that made all the difference to her. Every year she would make her and I chicken n dumplings for our birthdays, that are only a week apart. She would also make this amazing cheese pie for my brother’s birthday. These recipes are recipes that were passed down to her and they will continue to be passed down to our children. They’re not just recipes though, they’re memories. They’re family traditions. They’re the little things that keep the people we love alive.
Other little things that she loved were giving the grandchildren “meatball kisses.” My kids could demonstrate it better than me, but you puff up your cheeks and give a big kiss.
She also loved telling the kids at school, “Have a wonderful bluejay day!”
She loved sitting on the porch swing watching all the kids play as she sings the old gospel song, “Swing High, Swing Low, Sweet Chariot.”
Her favorite thing to do at the school was to decorate the entrance to the lunch line. She was so creative, and she would spend hours cutting out letters and little die cut animals that went with whatever theme she came up with. One example in particular is “Batty Over Breakfast” during the month of October. And she had all these little cut out bats around the saying. We loved her creativity.
All these attributes made her an amazing woman. However, the greatest gift she ever gave me was her love for the Lord.
When mom was sick, and suffering it was hard to watch. I kept asking God in my prayers, why does she have to suffer like this? She was such a good woman, why is this happening to her?
And over the next couple days God reminded me that Jesus suffered on the cross for us. I think we hear that nowadays, and we have heard it so many times, that it’s our human nature to kind of become numb to the thought or not to believe it at all.
But as I watched my mom suffer, someone that is so incredibly dear to me. It really made me think of how Christ really suffered on a cross… for us. He suffered so our failures and selfish desires, could be forgiven. So that we can turn away from our sin and come to him without shame. And through that sacrifice, believers can spend eternity in the presence of God when this life is over.
Just let that sink in for a second.
In my mother’s death, the Gospel has never been so alive to me. I think about where she is today because she made a decision to trust God, to believe in the unseen. Rather than resent him for all the pain she had experienced in her life, she trusted His Word that He has a good plan for her even when we don’t understandit.
She made the most important decision that anyone in human history can make. And it brings me so much peace here in this moment of suffering.
Through death, we get a glimpse of what really matters in life. Thoughts of eternity take center stage for me as I think about where she is right now. Thoughts of “how do I get back to her again?” become so important to me.
But I realize she already spent her life preparing me to answer that question. She is with Christ. Our family is mourning, but our mourning is surrounded by the certain hope of eternal life through our faith in Jesus Christ.
I wanted to share that part with you, because if she had a final word to anyone in this room, it would be to trust in the Lord. Stop running from Him because you feel that your past is unworthy of His forgiveness. And spend some time getting to know Him. Because when you get to a point in your life, where you are facing certain death, just like she was at the young age of 56, she would want you to know the Lord. She would want you to have the peace that surpasses all understanding, just like she did.
Thank you.
Hannah Moore